I received news about a cousin that disturbed me to my soul. While fighting ( verbally ) with a girl he threaten to blow up the school, (JCYC is his next step) on top of that he has been missing school, not going home for days. Every once in a while I would go over there and try to strighten him out. Once that involved threathing to knock him the fuckout, which the angre I showed scared everyone eles in the house, but he got the point. And so he feared me, but still acted an ass when I wasn't around. This told me he need a male figure in his life. Someone to kick his ass every once in a while. However, I'm too busy, too tired, too something, where I can't hang on his side for the next 4 years just to make sure that he won't be killed, or worse in jail. I would rather see him dead than in jail. My life seems too smooth compare to the people around me and I wonder if I have just made good choices or if there is someone beside me telling me to watch certain steps?