I woke up! I woke up this morning with a since of urgency, 5:00 am. My co-work JT has gotten another job, leaving me. Leaving me thinking, what the hell am I doing? I felt all of my life I have fought within myself a battle, a battle between my brains vs. my strength. As if I cannot have both. I am scared to get a job that involves me using my brains now, I've been challenging young men for so long physically, I fear that my brain has shut, and refuse to allow any new knowledge in. What am I doing, I'm woking in a field that doesn't even relate to my major, I'm waisting time, allowing the ships to go by, refusing to be rescued. I need to write, I need to write, I will write. SOS.