Perception, is how people view you, how they see you personally. Would they leave you with their child. I went back to my old high school to observe, were I slept with four girls and flirted with many, many others. I also wanted to teach there, but I don't think I would be accepted as a Proffessional. There is a teacher who was once a student teacher when I was there and believes he knows the inside scoop on every one. However, he is and young believes eveything anyone tells him. And so, today as I observed a young lady walks up and says hi! Sure the young lady was pretty, I wished she wasn't because the supervising teacher (who obviously heard of my younger days) looked over with wide eyes as if I was going to take her right there. I don't think I can work in a place where I'm always looked at as a girl hound. It's too bad because the school has a style that I would work well in. But I still think about Starla's comment, "You're better than Louisville," speech. I do think NY is calling.

It's about 4:55 in the morning and I feel every minute. I wrote a 2 page paper that took me 2 hours to write,(usually it takes 30 minutes.). So I'm laging, nothing new. I teased my cousin who took six years to get a two year degree, now thats laging. But I have half an hour before I have to wake the kids up and I need to read O's Journal. You every wonder if theres any way we could slow down time, maybe by making 70 seconds equal to a minute. Anyway, Louisville Basketball made it to the final four, yeahhhh!!!! well in my house it was alittle louder, even Poohbear cheer, (for both teams). I wanted to write something more, interesting, provokitive, well, I'm an English major and I lost the heart to write. Thats all I had was the heart to write. My spelling is shit, lucky me I can shred a paper to hell and back if you use the wrong grammer. I want to write again. Even if it wasn't good, it was something I was proud of, something that I could store in a folder and look at later and wonder what the hell was I going through. Lately nothing. I've been in college so long that I don't even remember being in high school. I don't even remember life.

Oscar Micheaux

Oscar Micheaux Originally uploaded by deantwan. Oscar Micheaux Born 2 January 1884 in Metropolis, Illinois, USA. Died 25 March 1951 in Charlotte, North Carolina, USA, of heart disease. Brother of producer Swan E. Micheaux. Married actress and producer Alice Burton Russell on 20 March 1926. Writer, producer and director, Oscar Micheaux is the father of Afro-American cinema. The most prolific Afro-American filmmaker of the silent era, Micheaux produced more than 40 films between 1919 and 1940, and was active as a novelist until his death. He faced racism during a time were death was so close. His films such as "homestead" dealt with race issues of his days. Although many of his films where not played everywhere (for fear of race riots) he still believed in his art.

Slow day, My mother got a flat and I change the tire. I meet a young man that would be parfect for pretty girl. I think he was of age, it depends if there were school today. I think there were school, so he my have been 18. I think she would rule over him though, control him, make him her Bitch. It's strange that I look for nice men for her since I Love her. But I think I love her enough to make her happy, one way or another. I had a girl friend who once said, "if two people really love each other than they will find each other in the future." I want to believe that, I watch the news, read the paper and I realize that life is so short, who has the time to live two lives. Only in a perfect world, so we choose our path and walk it, looking back at trees, with leaves turning brown, remembering how they use to be green. But I always say life is full of suprises, and so I'll keep looking under the tree.

Are we all obsessed with something, making money, spending money, making love, selling love, finding Love. I think so. I think we all obesse over something. It's just human to want, to crave, to lust. But anyway, Thai from work spend the whole 8 hours quiet. He did not take the good pc, he did not beg me to make him a pizza, he didn't even sleep his usually 5 hours. He hates me! But my angre wouldn't let me be calm as usually, ( so I exploded ). I got home and to sleep at 7:30, Ringggg Ringggg it's fucking 11:00 and I'm up. Mad, but up. I did my regular internet check and I ran acoss pretty girls Blog and I smiled. We may not fit like a puzzle but we know each other. Thank you. Why do we use our blogs to talk to each other?

JIl

JIl Originally uploaded by deantwan. I still remember The Revolution Will Not Be Televised You will not be able to stay home, brother. You will not be able to plug in, turn on and drop out. You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip, Skip out for beer during commercials, Because the revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox In 4 parts without commercial interruption. The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon Blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat Hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary. The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will be brought to you by the Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie Wood and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia. The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal. The revolution will not get rid of the nubs. The revolution will not make you look five pounds Thinner, because The revolution will not be televised, Brother. There will be no pictures of you and Willie Mays Pushing that cart down the block on the dead run, Or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance. NBC will not predict the winner at 8:32 or the count from 29 districts. The revolution will not be televised. There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down Brothers in the instant replay. There will be no pictures of young being Run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process. There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy Wilkens strolling through Watts in a red, black and Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving For just the right occasion. Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and Women will not care if Dick finally gets down with Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people will be in the street looking for a brighter day. The revolution will not be televised. There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock News and no pictures of hairy armed women Liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose. The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb, Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth. The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be right back after a message About a white tornado, white lightning, or white people. You will not have to worry about a germ on your Bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl. The revolution will not go better with Coke. The revolution will not fight the germs that cause bad breath. The revolution WILL put you in the driver's seat. The revolution will not be televised, WILL not be televised, WILL NOT BE TELEVISED. The revolution will be no re-run brothers; The revolution will be live.

I received news about a cousin that disturbed me to my soul. While fighting ( verbally ) with a girl he threaten to blow up the school, (JCYC is his next step) on top of that he has been missing school, not going home for days. Every once in a while I would go over there and try to strighten him out. Once that involved threathing to knock him the fuckout, which the angre I showed scared everyone eles in the house, but he got the point. And so he feared me, but still acted an ass when I wasn't around. This told me he need a male figure in his life. Someone to kick his ass every once in a while. However, I'm too busy, too tired, too something, where I can't hang on his side for the next 4 years just to make sure that he won't be killed, or worse in jail. I would rather see him dead than in jail. My life seems too smooth compare to the people around me and I wonder if I have just made good choices or if there is someone beside me telling me to watch certain steps?

Pooh bear had her birthday party yesterday, she screamed at her grand mother (D's Mother), Pushed away from Adam and his girl, and totally dissed my brother. Happy birthday pooh, you are your grandmothers, grand daughter. (my mother). Pooh bear received a baby grand piano, which she immediatley ran to and played for 30 minutes. She had a modest crowd of four, My Brother, talaka, D and me. Everyone else left out early for various reasons. The missed a great show as she played that piano as if she was ray charles. The box saids age 3 and up. Whatever, my baby at age 1 took that piano as if she was trained. So piano lessons are in the works for pooh.

Ok it's 5:30 AM, still at work, but not tired, Strange. T (My co-worker) told me he has a tumor in his head. He uses a cell phone a lot. I feel bad because I dislike him sooo much. But I'm human and I feel for every live. O' blames agent orange, the gas the US during the Vietnam War. His family is from there. It's possiple, real possiple, O' would bet her 6th figure on it. Sorry, I could help it. You know when people say that bad things happen to good people, T isn't that good of a person.

I'm tired again, at work again, wondering when will T, my other co-worker just shut the hell up. I need sleep.

sunrise

sunrise Originally uploaded by deantwan. I woke up early this morning feeling fine. I woke up early this morning feeling fine. Today we will get the condo ready for guest, pooh bears birthday is next Wen. and so we must celebrate on Sunday. Which is fitting since we thought she wouldn't make it out the womb. She is a child of god. After loosing a child before the birth the first time, ever time seems a little shaky. When we lost the first child, still unnamed, but loved as if he/she was here. D said was ready to have another the next day. Thats the beauity of D, she loves life and loves to give life. So this sunday we will be thanking God for a year and 9 months of miricle,love,insanity and sanity. D and pooh also woke up early this morning, feeling tired and so they are sleep now 9:04 am. They both lay the same way and and lay very close to each other. They are still attached every after a year from sepration and even after a child has replaced Pooh's place. I'm happy they have each other, thats what families for. To be close, to love each other and so it seems to fight for my attention.

babygirl

babygirl Originally uploaded by deantwan.

Spent 5 hours putting together my step mothers work out machine. I got paid in Bacon and Steaks.

I really do believe that every new day is a new start, however since I've been working nights, it seems as if my days never have a beginning nor an end. It is as if life is a long beginning, or a long end. Anyway, I realized how shy my daugther is today/eariler. At the Dr. office (I've been at the Dr. office a lot lately) She hides her head into my shoulder whenever someone talks to her. I realized how much she looks at me for protection. (As I allow Dr's hurt her with shoots.) But for a long time it seems as if have been baby sitting the most beauitful/anxious/scared/wises little girl that I ever loved. Tonight, she hugged me with her arms and squeezed. Later on that night I took a nap and she went with me and she sqeezed her self so closely to me, I thought she would hurt herself. Life is beauitful, whether it is starting or ending.